Remember: Stressed spelled bass-ackward is Desserts!

You know you're experiencing stress when...

- You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.
- The sun is too loud.
- You are missing several days from this week.
- Trees begin to chase you.
- You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
- You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption
of coffee.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.
- You can hear mimes.
- Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."
- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
- Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
- You and reality file for divorce.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.
- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
- You can travel without moving.
- Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
- You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into
a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for a week.
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Mary thought she had finally found a way to convince her friend Patty
that she needed to find ways to relax. Mary invited her to dinner and
while busy preparing the food, Patty agreed to watch Mary's video tape
on stress management-relaxation techniques.
Twenty minutes had passed and Patty came into the kitchen and
handed Mary the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it."
"But it's a 90-minute video," Mary stated. "You couldn't have
watched the whole thing."
"Yes, I did," Patty replied. "I put it on fast-forward."
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A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by
a doctor. Every time the doctor would ask him a question, she would butt
in and needle her husband about something.
After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription
for a powerful tranquilliser. "You are under a great deal of stress", he
told the man.
The man asked, "How often do I take these?"
"Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you,"
replied the doctor. "They're for your wife."
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Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep
losing my temper with people.
Doctor: I see, tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, you stupid bastard!